10 Life-Changing Days: My Experience at a Meditation Course
There’s no question about it: we live in stressful times. It seems like every day, a new global crisis is on the horizon, ready to cause more anguish at a time when the world is more destabilized than it has been in recent history. Reading the news gives the impression that the world could end any day now, and the effects of social media create an avalanche of stress and anxiety on a daily basis. In times like these, it’s rather easy to feel crushed by the weight of living.
The bittersweet news is that if you feel this way or have before, you’re not alone: anxiety and depression rates in the general public have been soaring and the suicide rates in all demographics, but especially in people aged 18-24, are simply staggering. With this massive uptick in mental health issues causing a looming crisis, meditation has become more and more popular as a tool to be calm in a world that doesn’t really want you to be.
Partly due to my own battle with health anxiety, I’ve been interested in mental health for a while now. I’ve always thought it’s a massively misunderstood topic and one that society has consistently been overlooking. Naturally, that led me to meditation.
Healthline defines meditation as a habitual process of training your mind to focus and redirect your thoughts. Most forms of meditation revolve around sitting still for long periods, focusing on the sensations in different parts of your body.
If you want to jump to a specific part of the story, you can do so here:
My Story
Picture me as an 18-year-old. Like most people, I’d say I’d tried meditation before, proud in the knowledge that people would see me as a zen person. Again, like most people, I wasn’t going to mention that my meditation consisted of sitting around for 2 minutes at most, desperately waiting for the timer to go off – the exact opposite of calm. I never thought too much about it. That was until my 2nd year of university, right before exams. I was studying with some friends, and it was getting late, so we would call it a day. That was when one of my friends said, “see you guys in ten days!”.
We were all a bit puzzled: what could he possibly be doing for ten days, right before exam time? It turns out he was going to a meditation retreat in the middle of nowhere in England. I thought, if this guy can go to a meditation retreat in rural England a few weeks ago before taking four or more exams, then I don’t have an excuse.
So, at that moment, I decided to go to this retreat as well.
A few things to note before getting into it:
Meditation is a luxury. Many people in the world have severe problems that require much more than just meditation. However, I don’t think that invalidates the benefits of meditation either.
Even though things might seem bad now, on average, life is still better than at any other time in history. Realizing this is one of the ideas of meditation.
Meditation is not a treatment nor a cure for real problems. While it can help with many ailments, it is not a substitute for actual treatments.
It’s okay to disagree with the ideas that are mentioned in the course. I thought some things were questionable at best, and some were just downright silly. I won’t say exactly which ideas I’m referring to, as that might give people preconceptions. However, it’s essential to remember that the course is free, you can leave at any time, and it’s highly unlikely you will agree with everything they say. And that’s completely fine.
About the Retreat
The meditation retreat in question is a place called Dhamma Dipa. It’s part of a global initiative started by a Burmese businessman-turned-meditator named Goenka. There are over 300 centers globally, and there is likely a center in your country or state. You can check out the locations here. Some important things to know:
It’s completely free. There are no costs involved: donations completely fund the entire initiative. Everyone who works at a center (teachers, janitors, cooks) is a volunteer and has completed at least one course before.
The technique that’s taught is called Vipassana, and it’s existed for almost 2000 years. It’s been popularized all over the world by many teachers from Burma/Myanmar. More about Vipassana here.
You can’t use your phone. There are only a few things you can bring into the center; everything else has to stay outside because it would distract.
This explains it best.
Let’s get into it!
The Application Process
I decided to apply for a 10-day summer course at this retreat. After all, it was free, so what could I lose? I checked out the schedule here and chose one that took place in August. However, applications only open a few months before, so it was time to wait.
Packed schedule.
The day came, and I was ready to apply at 8 pm sharp when applications opened. I wasn’t expecting any hassle; I didn’t know how popular these courses were. 8 pm came, and I clicked the apply button, after which they asked me a few questions about my availability. After that, they told me I’d receive an email that would inform me of my outcome. I refreshed the page around 2 minutes after, and applications were already closed. Therefore, if you’re thinking of doing a course: be ready to apply the moment applications open.
Around a week later, I received an email telling me that the course accepted me! And that’s how the journey began.
Doubts before the Course
Fast forward a few months: I had just come back from a month in China, and I was getting ready to go to the retreat. The closer the date came, the more doubts started to fill my mind: what if this was some cult? What if it’s going to be useless? What if it’s too hard for me? I looked at some Youtubers’ reviews, and they said it was “the hardest ten days of their lives,” which didn’t help!
If you choose to take a course and have any of these doubts, all I can say is that it is extremely tough, but that doesn’t mean you should worry. I’m sure nothing can take those doubts away, but don’t let them beat you.
Getting There
Not wanting to let my worries control me, I made my way from Berlin to rural England.
I took a plane to London, with a big bag in tow, because I was going straight back to Edinburgh after, to resume my studies. I had to take a train from London to Gloucester, and then a bus would pick me up to take me to provincial Herefordshire.
When I arrived at Gloucester train station, I saw a few people who seemed like they were waiting for a bus; a few people quickly turned into many, and it became clear that this bus was going to be full.
All this to not use my phone for ten days!
First Impressions
We took the bus for around 40 minutes, going to a part of England that I think no foreigner has ever seen before. The meditation center lies between multiple farms, with cows and everything.
My first impression was that this place seemed rather peaceful, stuck in a time before the world went crazy. All the people that came on the bus with me were friendly; some had done it before, most were first-timers like me. We all still didn’t know what to expect. I was looking forward to it, but those worries hadn’t gone away, and I had a feeling that they wouldn’t until the course got going.
The meditation center is a converted farmhouse.
The 10 Days
Getting Started with the Course
The course began with a day of socializing and getting to know each other. I was surprised by how different everyone’s stories were: there were people from all corners of the world, from sanitation workers to teachers to investment bankers and poker players. At 6:30 pm, however, the course organizer gave an announcement that the course was officially beginning.
From that point on, there would be no talking with other students and no phone usage or other electronics usage. Of course, you’re not bound to be there; you can leave at any time, but it is discouraged to end the course early as the website claims you won’t receive the full benefits. We were given a room which we would usually share with 1 or 2 people, and we spent most of the first-day unpacking and getting ready.
The schedule is hugely grueling:
As you can probably tell, this is no joke. When the course organizers say, “It is not a rest cure, a holiday, or an opportunity for socializing,” they really mean that. Do not expect to have a relaxing holiday at a meditation retreat. While the outcome is a more relaxed version of yourself, this does not come easy.
Difficulties of the first few Days
The first few days were unbelievably difficult. Waking up at 4 am and meditating for around 8 hours a day is a massive test of your discipline and willpower. However, if you have any problems, you can always ask the teachers, and they’re friendly and helpful. In the first few days, around 1/4th of the participants left the course. This is because the course schedule is just that hard to follow.
As for me? Every day, I wanted to leave. My brain told me that I shouldn’t be there and made up all kinds of excuses: raising my previous doubt that I’m in a cult, trying to convince me that it’s okay to leave and that I did my best. My everyday life is not as hard as meditating for 8 hours a day, and my mind doesn’t want me to change. However, that doesn’t make leaving the course any better. Despite my mind’s best efforts to stop me from changing my habits, I stayed.
What helped were the daily teacher's discourses at 7 pm: a collection of talks by the late S.N. Goenka, who created these retreats. While he unfortunately died in 2013, his hour-long videos made it feel like he was literally in the room: these videos mentioned every single doubt, every feeling I had about the course. He talks about how people have told him it’s a cult and replies that it’s completely free and that they can see it for themselves. He talks about how you will feel like leaving the course every minute of the ten days, and he tells you it’s normal. Although I didn’t agree with everything that Goenka said in these videos, they were still so insightful that they almost single-handedly convinced me to stay every day that I was at the course.
The Meditation Itself
You’re probably asking yourself what it means to meditate 8 hours a day. The first four days consist of Anapana, which simply consists of focusing on your breath. You focus on your breath entering and leaving your body, and you try to focus on nothing else. Usually, you do this for 1 hour, after which there is a break.
After the first four days, you start doing Vipassana, the main focus of the course. Vipassana also consists of listening to your breathing rhythm but extends it to focusing on your entire body: it’s very similar to the body scan form of meditation. The key idea is to stay equanimous to all of the sensations in your body: that is, to view them as nothing more than just sensations, to give no value to them, and thus to not let them control you. Slowly but surely, your emotions will stop controlling you, and you will control them instead.
Finishing the Course
Every day, I got closer to finishing the course, and I knew it. I wouldn’t say it became easier to stay because of that, but it did feel like you were almost done. The meditation gives you time to have deep reflections on your own experiences and gives you the tools to stay equanimous, to stop your past experiences from controlling you. That way, it takes their power away, and the outcome is a more balanced, more in control version of yourself. Every day, I felt like I was reliving a different childhood or teenage memory, and I was realizing how they still affect me and drive my decisions.
After ten grueling days of meditation and introspection, we were finally done, and it felt great. The experience was like nothing I ever went through before, and correspondingly, what I learned about myself was something I could have never known without those ten days.
What I Learned
If you’re reading this, I’m sure you want to know what this course can do for you. After all, you’re a busy person; how can you take ten days out of your life to sit in some farm in the middle of nowhere, away from your work and your responsibilities?
First, I would realize that ten days aren’t actually as long as you think. After all, you’ll probably spend most of your life working: what’re ten days compared to that?
Now, what did I learn? I learned a lot, but your experience might be different from mine if you do the course. That’s why I will avoid going into too much detail about the introspections I had; if I told you about all of my emotions while I was there, it’s likely that you would create preconceptions about how you will feel during the ten days. The experience won’t be authentic. What I will say is this:
As I mentioned at the start of the article, do not stop yourself from disagreeing with some of the ideas you learn. I disagreed with many views that Goenka brought forward, but I did find the meditation very useful. In the end, it was also essential to me that this meditation is not based on any religion or compulsion, as that would be more of a cult than a learning experience.
I learned things about myself that I would have probably never discovered otherwise. Taking a break from the blinding pace of everyday life can be a great help.
I learned how to control my emotions to make them work for me instead of letting them control me.
I could suddenly meditate for hours on end and still do so after the course (if not as often). This was something I definitely couldn’t have done before doing this course.
I learned that this course is something you should go into with as little preconceptions as possible, as little knowledge of how other people found it. It’s supposed to be a personal journey, and hearing other people’s journeys will make you expect to have specific emotions and specific experiences that might not be part of your personal journey.
Summary
In conclusion, this ten day meditation course was an experience like no other, and it was one that taught me so many things about myself. It’s difficult to imagine how life-changing ten days can be until you do something as extreme as meditating for 8 hours a day, without access to anything from the outside world. However, I also didn’t agree with everything the organizers said, so it’s important to take home what you think is useful (like the meditation itself) and leave behind what you don’t necessarily agree with.
The present world has many different methods to try to bring us down. If you ever feel like everything is going against you or like the sky is falling down on you, then this course could be something you need to put everything into perspective and to take control of your life, ceasing to be controlled by your anger or your sadness. In my mind, this is what true happiness is: experiencing all the different emotions that life has to offer but not letting yourself be controlled by any one of them.
Just don’t expect it to be easy :)
Adrian Czuczka
